Archive for 'I Can't Make This Stuff Up'
I’m going to give this weekend an A. Or…no. Better than an A. I think I’ll give it an A to the 3rd power. An A cubed, if you will.
I know you will.
After a week filled with car problems (and, when I say “problems” I actually mean “total and complete frickin’ failure”), malfunctioning electronics, and broken dishes (I could go on), CK and I were down for some fun. But, you know what? You don’t realize how much you depend on a gigantic, plasma boob tube hanging smack-dab in the middle of your living area until it craps out on you.
You’re then forced to improvise.
After we got back from a delicious Macaroni Grill dinner (complete with an opera singer who was wandering around, singing from table to table? Really? Never noticed that phenomenon before…), we cracked open a bottle of wine and had some ridiculous fun taking turns playing old-school cds, trying to make each other crack up. There was some Firehouse, some Presidents of the United States of America (”peaches come from a can…they were put there by a man”), some Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and of course, some Snoop. It was awesome.
Top-notch non-tv time.
Then, Saturday night we headed downtown to the State Theater to see Chris McCarty. Awesome!!! This is the second time I’ve seen Chris play, and he’s fantastic. I’ve had his cd for awhile, and it’s very good. But, nothing compares to his live shows. I don’t really know how to describe him, but he plays with such obvious joy that his energy is completely contagious. We had a blast.
I wish I could tell you that I was going for “ambiance” with this picture, but the truth is my camera - as great as it is in most situations - kind of sucks in dark places. Here’s the best I could do.
See that smile??
Maybe this one’s a little better?
And, in true St. Petersburg fashion, we ran into some strange rangers right after the show. See, we promised our friend Kimmie that we’d stop at the Emerald on our way out since it was so close to the theater (she’s a bartender there). When we got there, though, there was no sign of Kimmie. HOWEVER. There did seem to be a group of people golfing inside the bar.
No, seriously.
I can’t make this stuff up. Let’s just say I HOPE there was a bar crawl of some sort involved here…
Florida is funny.
Not that Pittsburgh didn’t have a good run at cornering the panic-stricken weather person market or anything, but the weather people in Florida are hilarious. Because we’ve been having somewhat of a relief cold snap in temperatures, the weather has been the lead story on the news almost every night. And they’re just a tad alarmed about it. Like, “nobody freak out, but it’s going to go down INTO THE 40S TONIGHT! The 40s! We’re not certain you can LIVE THROUGH a cold spell like this! Stay inside! Cover your plants! Better yet, DIG UP your plants, bring them inside, and lodge them in your PREHEATED OVEN! Just to be sure!!”
So, anyway, in a seemingly unrelated turn of events (can unusually cold temperatures blow out transformers? No idea…but I doubt it), our power went out this morning. And, it didn’t just passively “go out” in the middle of the night. No, no. It BLEW out around 6:45 this morning. I mean, there was an explosion-y sound and a big bright flash of light (which I suspect was the light in the pool blowing out). Very dramatic. And, since I work from home, I’ve been forced out into the real world with the retirees.
That’s right, folks. I’m at Panera.
On one hand, it’s nice to be among the humans for the day. However, I’ve learned an important lesson. The coffee-drinking and pastry-eating crowd are LOUD. But, you just can’t make up the stuff that happens to you out here.
So, I get into Panera this morning, and it was totally hoppin’. I order a big, fat cup of hazelnut coffee, get it all decorated with cream and sugar, and carry it over to a table by both a window (for me) and a plug (for my friend, the laptop). As soon as I pull my computer out of my bag, an elderly man appears by my side and says, “oh, are you planning on joining us, young lady?” Hmmm. Pardon?
See, I figured that the two-person table with nothing on it and no one sitting at it was free for the taking. Clearly that was my bad.
As far as I can tell, one of three things happened. Either (1) that was their usual table and they were unwilling to sit somewhere new, (2) they’d had their eye on that table and had subconsciously already put the flag into it, claiming it as their own, or (3) old people are messing with me.
Either way, I’m now sitting at the four-person table directly behind it.
And, I have the urge to see if my power’s back on.
Dear NBC,
Seriously.
What the H?
Despite reports, Brooke Shields says her NBC drama Lipstick Jungle hasn’t been scrapped.
“They thought that because My Own Worst Enemy has been shut down that the same thing had happened to us, and it’s not true,” she told reporters at Sunday’s Cookie magazine Kidsfest in NYC.
Please stop toying with me.
My glamour-lacking, stuck-in-the-house-most-of-the-day-working-from-home, can’t-afford-jimmy-choos lifestyle just CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I need characters to live vicariously through! Don’t you understand??!!?
That is all.
Thank you.
So, I’m at Target today…
(Sigh…Target. I heart Target…).
…buying a bunch of stuff for the guest bedroom. One of my best friends and her husband are coming to visit this weekend. I’m SO psyched. And, while the guest bedroom is starting to shape up a little bit (I just bought this new bedding from Kohl’s, which was SUPER on sale online and still wicked expensive in the store…and, of course, I bought it on a $0.99 shipping day…and, wonders never cease…I actually really like it), it still needs a few…tweaks.
I bought a new area rug (well, more like a runner), a little nightstand, and some curtains for the window on the door (it’s super creepy changing in there at night - even though the window faces the fenced-in backyard…but, still). I don’t have it all set up yet, but I’m hoping it makes the whole room feel a little homier (is that word?).
ANYWAY, I get to the check-out line, and it’s absolutely mobbed. I’ll never know why some Targets are so efficient at handling check-out and some just absolutely suck at it. Lucky me…my new Target sucks at it.
I finally get up to the cashier, and she starts scanning my things. She was perfectly nice, don’t get me wrong, but she says halfway through, “if you’re paying by credit or debit, you can scan your card now.” And, I’m thinking, “um, no I can’t. You people all say that, and I’ve tried that, but it never works unless I wait until the end.”
Of course, that’s all going on in my head and, instead of saying it out loud, I say (sweetly), “ok, thank you.”
And, guess what. It doesn’t work.
Of COURSE it doesn’t.
And, you know how you’re just so irritated when you’ve been waiting in line for a r-e-a-l-l-y long time, and you’re all discombobulated with your purse and your cart and your car keys and your cell phone…and the person behind you is, inevitably, inching their cart up WAY too far into your personal space. God, it irritated me, when she looked at me at the end of the sale and says, “it didn’t go through.”
Um, thanks, Master of the Target Obviousness. So, I had to put my purse back down, get my wallet back out, swipe my card again, pick up all my loose change that fell out of my wallet while getting the card back out (I’m not even making this up), put it back in my wallet, put my wallet back in my purse, grab my car keys back out of my purse, etc. etc. All the while, I can feel (at least) 5 angry sets of eyes boring holes in the back of my steamingly-annoyed head.
It’s the little things, you know?
Argh, Target, please please please stop telling your employees to encourage the premature swipe! You’re killing me here!!!!!!!!!
Picture it if you will.
Two 5-1 teams in a Week 8 matchup. Teams that have two of the three Super Bowl rings earned since Feb, 2006 and are looking for another. Teams with star quarterbacks who went head to head in the 2004 college draft.
The Steelers’ defense leads the league in sacks, and they’re up against one of the toughest offensive lines in the league, considering Manning’s only been sacked 6 times all year. Sounds like all the necessary ingredients for a classic match-up, right?
So, could we have a little more trash talking enthusiasm here, please?? First of all, come ON, Ben. Plaxico “made me who I am?” For REAL? What was it he taught you exactly…responsibility? Nope. Leadership? Wrong again. Driving an obnoxiously large vehicle? Maybe.
And, secondly, don’t even get me STARTED on Santonio.
Seriously?
Weed.
In your car.
Driving past Mellon Arena.
Fantastic.
Missing games because of drug possession charges is not how you make friends with Steeler fans, Asshat.
Regardless…
Having won 12 out of the last 14 regular season games at home, no doubt we’re making this #13.
GO. STEELERS.
My Mom ROCKS. In the midst of my homesickness, she sent me a surprise Smiley Cookies package! And, they weren’t just any Smiley Cookies. They were STEELER Smiley Cookies!
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t rip open the box and eat one on the spot. Before lunch. It felt - and tasted - like a giant hug from home. And, to top off the deliciousness with more awesome, she sent me an “I Take Mine Black ‘n Gold” coffee mug that has already worked its way into my morning routine.
Now, completely unrelated to my Mom’s great deed, I feel that I have to make something public.
Do you know that Eat ‘N Park makes CLEVELAND BROWNS SMILEY COOKIES??!?
Yeah, ME EITHER. As far as I’m concerned, if you have the words “flagship” and “Pittsburgh” in the same sentence on your website, you should not be making anything that involves the color combination of orange and brown.
For shame, Eat ‘N Park. For shame.
